First snow

The first snow
  arrives in increments —
    a hush, then
    another hush.

I count them
on my fingers
until my fingers go numb.

The doubled hush is the move. I'd cut everything after and let those four lines stand.

Some folks like to make their comments line by line on the right side of the poem text. I tried and could not figure a way. Every attempt fucked up the formatting of the original text. It would also be nice to have "strikeout" available to suggest edits. Additionally there seems to be no "highlighting" which can help as well in communicating suggested edits.

Substantively, I will be blunt with this one.

increments >> layers

- - - -

a hush, then

another hush. >>a hush, then

a hush

The first snow arrives in increments — a hush, then another hush. I count them on my fingers until my fingers go numb.

I don't like the "fingers" repeat but am not seeing a way to massage that out.

Yes, this one is half-baked. I see why you attributed it to me. :)

The posting of my last reply killed the formatting. Tab doesn't work, and end-line returns seem to be ignored as well.

Does the "focus" button just change the size of the typing pane?